I can see why some people get into relationships where they do nothing but argue; any emotion is better than apathy, from an emotional experience point of view. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, as long as it doesn't lead to a physical altercation, emotional abuse, or the like (this goes both ways, for men and women). Sometimes people want to feel happy, other times sad. Why not for desiring conflict?
The problem though, lies with finding a long term partner or developing a relationship. She is supposed to be, ideally, your sanctuary. You're supposed to be relaxed, you should want to go home and meet her after a long day. This relationship should be free from unnecessary stress. She should be someone that you're 100% yourself with, who you're the most authentic self you can be.
Everyday I catch glimpses in thoughts of what I want in life, including the type of woman I want to be with in long term relationships. With that there is a strong cognitive dissonance between sexual attraction vs long-term relationship material.
I understand why some women struggle to find that ideal male, the one who they are sexually attracted to and will commit to them. A lot of people seem to end up settling for a man they don't get that sexual attraction for and just have that "best friend" or "like a brother" reliable kind of feel. This frequently results in a dead bedroom, and a frustrated husband who wants frequent sex, but only gets it once every couple of months. Men typically struggle with developing an abundance of sexual partners and discovering the type of woman who is worthy of raising their children.
I'm in this for the long haul, and I find it insulting when people insist "you're just looking for a girlfriend, get married and settle down" like I'm going to marry the first person who will have me, and give me any positive attention. I don't think it's possible to develop a healthy relationship with women unless you have a solid idea of what qualities are attractive and why. This requires that abundance of experiences. A "slut" who will hook up with any men without filtering them won't be a suitable mother. It is however, possible to have a lot of sex with multiple partners, and not be a slut, as the issue lies with not having standards. Similarly a woman who is in relationship after relationship back to back, never being single, doesn't ever figure out her personality or develop herself in the way a perpetually alone person has to in order to thrive.
Men and women have completely different problems, and you cannot focus on solving her's. When I realized this, it became clear I was asking every potential partner to help figure mine out. I cannot expect anyone to take these burdens of mine, just like how I cannot expect to take hers and find an emotionally healthy relationship.
No one is interested on working on their partner, only having one that's figured their shit out. I can't just go out and have a million dollar business without figuring out how to get there. When you work on yourself and help others, it gives you a clearer understanding of who you are and you develop as a person, giving you more options with healthy people to have relationships with, and rich life experiences.
Social structures are interesting, confusing, and frustrating to figure out. I'm mainly writing this blog to get a better understanding of how to formulate my thoughts in a more presentable manner, and to get a clearer sense of what I want in life, and put them in one concise location. You're welcome to come with me on my journey via these writings.
-KC
